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The dreaded "S" word... ________________________________________________________________

You all know what I'm talking about... "single". A word that strikes fear in the hearts of 20 and 30-something women everywhere. And a word that I happen to have embraced for the last 3 years.

Yep, that's right... I've been single for THREE YEARS. If I were Bridget Jones, I would probably have killed myself with an overdose of Yorkshire pudding by now. But nope... I'm okay.

It wasn't until this weekend, when I was chatting with my roomie that I realized how content I am as a "singleton". K had just come home from a long day with the fam, and I was enjoying my third consecutive hour of sitting in front of the television doing nothing. As we were gabbing, the words "I love being single" fell out of my mouth. And I don't think it was until that moment that I actually believed it.

See, I suck at relationships... seriously. I get super anxious and insecure, calling my significant every other hour to see what they're up to, and if silence fills the line, I immediately freak out and barrage them with a series of "what are you thinking about right now?" and "are you mad at me?" questions. Yeah, not pretty. I'm not exactly sure why I do it, but I really wish that I didn't. I also have the tendency to want to change anything I don't like about the other person. I try to mold them into my perfect version of a boyfriend, and needless to say, that doesn't pan out too well.

I look at back at my last few years of singlehood, and I've realized how I've definitely benefited from being single. Here's the breakdown:

1) I would never have moved to New York if I had a college boyfriend.
2) I would never have moved to Los Angeles if I had a New York boyfriend.
3) I would never have moved to Seattle if I had a Los Angeles boyfriend.
4) I'm not a nutcase.

There were, however, some periods throughout my singlehood where I became increasingly desperate--scanning internet dating sites for a potential father to my potential children. But the search was just that--desperate. I ended up going on horrible dates with idiot guys. And although I learned a great deal from all of it, I couldn't help but end up feeling kind of empty and hopeless. I also couldn't help but realize that I wasn't ready... I needed to start loving and respecting myself before I could let anyone else into my life.

So now I've come to embrace my single status. I do get lonely here and there, but nothing so traumatic that I would sacrifice my time to spend with some idiot off of match.com. I understand that those sites can help lots of people, but not me!

I now spend my time with my friends, family and my kitty... alternating between lounging around and going out for drinks, and I love it! And in a society that is desperately searching for their soul mate--someone to make them whole, I'm glad that I've finally found someone to love... me.

posted by amandalicious at 9:37 AM >6 comments

6 Comments:

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